Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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