the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
