ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize