would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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