omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
