Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize