Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
