Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
