Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
