i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
