I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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