He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
