# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
