party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Randomize
