they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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