I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
