i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
