Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
