He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
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