I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
