sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
