haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
