my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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