you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
