these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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