question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
