I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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