You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just invented taco cereal.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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