She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
