I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
