shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
my being single is dangerous.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
