If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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