I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
