i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
