You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The power of my boobs compel you
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
