Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
