There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
