What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
