I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
