Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize