She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
