i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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