Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
