HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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