Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
