I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
