i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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