I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
