I need to stop coming to work sober
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
