Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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