Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
