we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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