Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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