So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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