My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
