mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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