Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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