I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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