Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
