I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
