We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
