I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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