sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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